By Tiffany Leigh Kent

My grandmother had a stroke in April.

She rode with me in my new car less than 24 hours before her stroke.

I remember she smiled and cheerfully commented about how nice my new car was as she slid down in the passenger seat. I remember how it felt to turn the key and hear the ignition spring to life. I remember a lot about that day.

Mammaw talked to me during our ride. I remember hearing her voice, but I regret to admit that I don't remember what she said. I heard the sound of her voice and I observed her smile, but I really did not listen or fully perceive her gestures that day. My thoughts were fixated on problems, on lofty ideas, on fleeting promises. My thoughts were far away. My thoughts should have been enveloped by the gift of that moment, a precious gift from God that I could have treasured forever.

If only God would allow us to embark on a journey that included time travel! We would all go back in time and erase our mistakes and wipe clean our failures and our regrets. Oh, the changes I would make! I would go back to that day in time and I would choose to relive it. I would listen to every word she uttered; I would observe every detail. If I could relive that day, I would chose to better appreciate my grandmother.

My grandmother had a stroke in April of 2000. I did not appreciate her as I should have. The Lord took her home in her sleep one year later.

Every single person will eventually grapple with the loss of a loved one. When mourning is intermingled with a chaos of regrets, then grief can be a tumultuous experience.

During this time of the year, when Christmas trees are decorated, stores are crowded with shoppers, carolers are flooding the streets, and the crisp December air fills our nostrils, the pain of loosing a loved one may seem to multiply. Sadness can wipe away all joy, just like a dark vapor choking out the light.

I know all too well what it feels like to wrestle with a dark tide of depression, a sadness with roots caused by the pain of loss. The good news is that God is larger than our suffering. There is hope.

I lost my grandmother and uncle in the same year, and I found myself just going through the motions the following Christmas. I bought gifts for the children in my family. I even decorated some rooms in the house, but in truth I wanted to forget all about Christmas. "Wouldn't it be nice," I silently wondered, "if we could just cancel Christmas--just this once?"

Reality quickly reminded me that life cannot be placed on hold.

As Christians, we know that the celebration of Christmas is not supposed to be about presents, or decorations, or things. It is about the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Theologically, we all know this. But the tradition of Christmas has been entrenched in our very soul since childhood; Christmas, at least for most of us, has become synonymous with family.

It is phenomenal how loneliness acts in our lives. I have been in the presence of friends and have still felt lonely. When we are grieving someone--I have learned--we are reacting to one of two thoughts. We are either struggling with the idea of death itself (in essence, our rational, human mind is trying to deny the truth that they are still living), or we are simply lonely--we are missing the company of that one particular person. Our loneliness painfully reminds us that no one else can fill that void in our hearts.

No one, that is, except God.

In The Source of My Strength, Charles Stanley wrote about loneliness. He said that "you simply cannot be alone once you have the Spirit of God indwelling you." When we are mourning a loved one, then we must turn to God to fill that aching void in our hearts. The first step is a simple prayer. "Lord, I can't do this by myself. I need you. . ." God not only can bring peace to our spirits, but He can shatter all feelings of loneliness as He shines pockets of joy into our lives, even in the midst of grief.

A growing relationship with Him lessens the sting of loss.

I wish overcoming grief were as simple as a twelve step program. "First you do this, then you do that. . ." I cannot paint a step by step road map that will bring about healing. But I do know Someone who can.

There is hope through God that viable joy can be experienced, not only during the Christmas season, but during every moment of the year.

Prayer is the only first step I can claim to offer. Be open to God's presence. Through faith, acknowledge that "all things work together for the good. . ."

Notice that the verse does not say all things ARE good. It says all things work together for the good. That is the power of God. His Word tells us that with Him "nothing is impossible."

It is normal to miss a loved one. Grief is normal. But God does not want us to be suffocated by our sadness. In Jeremiah 29:11 we are told that God has plans for us. "Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." He has plans for our future. Remember that He is the God of the living. (Our loved ones are still living.)

We must focus on the real reason for Christmas: Jesus. Our Savior. The Lord who, knowing that we would all suffer from regrets in life, came on our behalf. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." But the reason we celebrate Christmas is because of the miraculous gift. Our Savior died for us and rose from the grave so that death could be conquered, so that our sins could be wiped clean, so that we can be reunited with God now and our Christian loved ones again one day.

No, we cannot climb inside a time machine and bring them back. We cannot undo our mistakes. But we can lean on the Lord with all of our Spirit. We can go forward with our lives and overcome the pain, even during the Christmas season and even in spite of our grief.