"Now cracks a noble heart, Good night sweet prince:

and flights of angels sing thee to they rest."

– William Shakespeare, Hamlet

My first memory of this process happened after my grandmother’s death. She had been ill for several months. My family was in one sense prepared for her death, and yet the day she actually passed away was a shocking experience that created an avalanche of grief for my family. Death seems to be one fact that you can never fully prepare for.

"No!" was my first reaction to the request to write and deliver the eulogy. I was hurting inside. The last thing I needed was the burden of writing a speech about my grandmother’s life. I wanted to grieve like the rest of my family. But what I soon learned was that writing the eulogy can actually become a healing experience. I had the privilege of contemplating her life, enjoying my memories of her, and working to understand her personality and spirit. It is my hope that you will also benefit from this process.

A eulogy is usually a speech category that is written within a tiny window of time. Because of its immediacy, writing a eulogy can bring on new challenges and stresses. This guide will help you wade through the process one step at a time. That is why this e-book is presented as a workbook with space for you to answer questions and fill in the blanks. It is designed to help you weave together a completed eulogy within a couple of days. By the end of the process, you should have a finished draft that’s ready to be read at the service. This guide will help you meet the challenges of crafting your eulogy head on as you also avoid certain stresses altogether.

But before we get into the steps that will lead you to a completed eulogy, I wanted to touch upon one brief topic. The Internet is now plastered with links to businesses that specialize in eulogy writing. For a fee of $100 or more, you can have your eulogy written by an "expert." The problem is that someone who actually knew the person who has passed away is the best candidate to write a moving and accurate eulogy. How can a stranger in another state effectively describe the joy you felt when your grandmother smiled and laughed at your jokes? Eulogy writing should be left to the real expert here. That’s you. This process is not about crafting the best eulogy ever written. It’s not at all about perfection. It’s about your genuine emotions and how the person you are honoring touched your life. This e-book will teach you everything you need to know to make this process run smoothly.

It doesn’t matter if you are eulogizing a friend or a relative, or if you are merely reading this e-book for the sake of information only. The steps it takes to write and deliver a eulogy is a life-honoring process that can lead to emotional healing. Being selected to write the eulogy can actually be a blessing in your own life.

Let me emphasize early on that this e-book is being written with a slant towards those who have recently lost a friend or a relative. It is not my intention to play upon your emotions or to suggest anything that may add to your burdens. The purpose of this e-book is simple. It is a how-to guide to help you write an effective eulogy that honors your friend or loved one.

Having said all of this, let us now venture into the process.

The eulogy process begins with you. That may be a surprise, since the purpose of the eulogy is to recognize and celebrate the life of your loved one. But an effective eulogy comes from the heart. That heart will be your own. So the first step is to acknowledge your emotions and to be authentic about your grief. Do you feel pressured by this task? Do you wish someone else would step forward and remove this burden from you? Or are you happy that you will be the person writing the eulogy? Be true to your feelings right now.

I am feeling:

As you read over the above list of your emotions, ask yourself if there is anything on that list that stands out? For example, do you feel scared by the process? Get in touch with the way your emotions link up with your grief. Your emotions can be used as a bridge leading to your most cherished memories. You are not just grieving the fact that your loved one has passed away. You are also grieving his or her place in your life. Why do you feel the way you do? Are you scared because your loved one is gone? Are you angry because you did not get to say goodbye? Are you sad because you miss him or her? There are no right or wrong answers here. All that matters is your own honesty and authenticity. Choose to use your emotions now as a bridge that will lead you to your favorite memories.

How can I use my feelings as a bridge to my memories? (Examples: I am sad because I miss my grandmother. I am scared because I don’t want to write a "bad" eulogy.)

Your emotions are taking you on a journey right now. That journey is a celebration of a person you loved. The next step in this process is to recognize the impact of your emotions. These series of questions will help you hone in on your memories.

My loved one made me feel like:

When I was with this person, I always:

By now, you should have a genuine sense of how you are feeling and how the loss of your loved one is influencing your life. It is okay to cry, shout in anger, or feel whatever it is that is going on inside of you. This is all perfectly natural. Please do not shy away from these feelings. Not only will expressing them help you grieve and heal, it will also help you get in touch with your heart about this person. That will lead to the type of eulogy that will truly bring honor to your loved one.

We are now going to leap over to your specific memories about this person and begin to record some of your favorite experiences.

What kinds of activities did you do with your loved one?

How were you related or connected? If it applies, how did you meet?

How long did you know each other?

How did this person influence your life?